Developing a sense of self is one of the biggest challenges humans face. It is also our most important as it leads to healthy boundaries and mutual exploration. We spend years growing up outside the womb, and what happens in those early years can last a lifetime.
As social creatures our need for positive affirmation is essential to our growth.
VIDEO 14: Neglect Me
- The experience of chronic avoidance (by another).
- The absence of a guardian’s focused attention can damage our ability to know ourselves in a healthy way.
- Existing, and Becoming, in Nothingness.
- The opposite of being ‘occupied’ is being ‘abandoned’.
- How neglect compares to our experience of being occupied.
- Guardian (parent) inhabits our Inner RES.
- We lose the chance to develop a sense of self.
- So we seek identity and affirmation from the ‘outside world’ in outer RES.
- This makes us vulnerable to marketing and social, political, and commercial, predators.
- We deify the externals, turning them into things that will help us create a socially acceptable identity.
- We seek belonging ‘outside’ ourselves when we do not know our inner RES – ‘how to fill the absence of me’.
- Guardian (parent) avoids healthy affectionate contact with us.
- We do not get mirrored in a healthy way, therefore do not know ourselves.
- Lack of positive influence creates a lack of ‘positive social education’
- Causes isolation, loneliness, lack of direction, confusion (why me? aren’t I good enough to love/deserve attention?), sadness, longing, ‘blankness’.
- Story: The Land of Mirrors.
- The girl who saw the lack of a true mirror as a description of her lack of beauty and desirability. Her journey to wholeness and inclusivity.
- Why do guardians avoid us?
- Unsure of themselves.
- A sense of personal damage.
- Lacking confidence in their skills.
- Underestimate their value and influence.
- May have some form of addiction
- Unavailable to themselves first.
- Absence => absence.
- Consequences of neglect
- Information sharing (interdependence) is unavailable outside ourselves so we cannot bring it into ourselves, our inner RES.
- As we seek information and cannot find it, we create stories (humans are great storytellers).
- These stories, in this situation, are likely to be negative (about who we are).
- We self-blame and create personal/universal stories and belief systems. ‘if there’s no-one here, then maybe I’m not worth being here for’.
- Inaccurate mirrors can make us adjust our course (of self-development) in ways that extend – and deepen – our journey to self-awareness.
- Healing the sense of direction and completion around wounding – our complexity with RES and how flagging issues and difficulties can help us evolve, through assimilation.
- Self-development is a progression that becomes easier over time.
- Raises the bar on our expectations for self (entitlement to certain values).
- In a compromised context will be inaccurate. e.g. ‘I don’t deserve to be happy’.
- Stories that protect us, and others, from the pain of our abandonment.
- The stories are not just a reflection of what happens to us (and how we ‘frame’ it) but likely of the person that is unable to show up for us.
- Ancestral Healing.
- Placing the flat into a situation can heal our ancestral lineage, thereby positively influencing what might be possible for all members of the Collective Consciousness of each family.
- The spiral of healing – we revisit wounds repeatedly but from higher vantage points of understanding. Each time we do that we are expanding collective consciousness.
- Therefore expanding the possibilities for the entire species, not just our own families.
- Healing travels in both directions; past and future.
- We continue to expand the possibilities of our collective consciousness through healing occupy and neglect.
- Happy People, Happy Planet.
- Defining love as a self-awareness and self-acceptance that allows us to be aware of, and accepting of, others.
- Not assimilating, not rejecting, but incorporating and understanding the moment, or context.
- Leads to our own internal ‘policy decisions’ about who we are and about what is acceptable to, and for, us.
- What happens to the ‘I’ Interface with neglect?
- The part of us that has been isolated, in our inner RES, creates a double boundary and pushes people out. It doubles down and the wounded soul abandons the world that has abandoned him/her.
- Our social nature can often push us to attempt to break open the border between inner and outer RES.
- What served our survival as children may not serve us as adults.
- Broken trust, can’t ask for help or support (we do not expect it to be there) – learned behavior that gets repeated by us unconsciously.
- Learning to trust ourselves is our own path of healing.
- Learning to trust others to be there for us.
- Risk-taking creates a shift over time.
- We have to prove to ourselves that there is a different reality that we can participate in, benefit from and be supported by.
- What public characters can you identify (in any field of work) that may have been chronically neglected?
- What particular actions are you noting that lead to that assumption?
- Which aspect of their RES do you feel might have been most compromised?
- What references might you have for your own experience of being chronically neglected?
- What helped you to recognize it?
- How did you deal with it?
- Which aspect of Your own Inner RES do you feel might have been most compromised?
- Are there any lingering habits from that neglect that you’d like to clear out of your system?
- What kind of healing might support that arising need?
Mindmap 14: Neglect Me
Ways to approach this process!
We will explore Mindmaps for each aspect of these special relationships available to us 24/7. Week by week, you will dive in to each map, accompanied by a live, online session with Clare, where you can ask questions and share thoughts, questions and ideas with others. There is also a dedicated Forum for you to meet with your fellow explorers and discuss what you are learning.
You will receive:
- Access to a dedicated Forum.
- Your own copy of the above Mindmap.
To book Clare’s support, and go even deeper with it, contact her for your first discounted rate session by clicking on ‘New Members’ button. After that initial session you are eligible for ‘Existing Members’ rate. You can book support as either a new or existing member at any time on the journey, here.