I have been experiencing conflict lately, in my work and personal relationships. It seems to have come at a time when I’m also reading Judith Orloff MD’s book about being an empath. I feel the two are tied. One of the main reasons I see them as tied is because one of the elements of being an empath is the intense interior drive to speak up, to speak truth, to address things. It’s actually a physical need, and therefore, non-optional (the energetic build-up is beyond distracting and activating, making it very hard not to be affected by it, e.g. my solar plexus gets hot and agitated, and I have trouble sleeping or relaxing).

As scary as this can be to meet things head-on, and as conflict-creating it can be, there is a reward. When I am honest, there is a direct energetic response – my energy field expands and fills with joy, my mind releases its tension, my whole body relaxes and I feel vitality expanding outwards. Then, on top of that, I feel more confident, more grounded, at home in my skin and strong. It’s a wonderful feeling. And, on top of that, I’ve watched as positive opportunities suddenly arrive into my life, almost immediately afterward.

To say a little more about being an empath, it links to mirror neurons in the brain – apparently, those of us who are empaths feel the truth – we feel other people’s pain, we feel avoidance and agitation, the same as if our skin is being cut – it is literally as if our nerves are on the outside of our skin. We can’t control that about ourselves. Conversely, for people who find it relatively easy to lie, or inflict harm without flinching, those same mirror neurons are underperforming, and perhaps they can’t do anything about that – I honestly don’t know… more research is needed.

But I have become quite affected by realizing that who I am is who I have always been, my whole life, and my inability to ‘keep my mouth shut’ or ‘go with the flow’ or simply ‘let things go’ (which I yearned to do sometimes) is part of my make up. There is both relief and grief in that. Relief because now I understand what I’ve been dealing with, and grief because of all the suffering it has caused me, in the not knowing. How lonely I was when I didn’t realize I was being the only me I could.

I want to explain what I’m thinking about conflict in my life. It’s always been there – not only in experiences that I have had but as a dominant theme… so much so that I’ve studied NVC (Non-Violent Communication), Empathy Circles, Byron Katie’s ‘The Work’, leading Bohmian Dialogues, and so on, to cope. I’ve gone to multiple therapists over the years to try to understand how I work but no one was talking about the flow of my energy, mirror neurons, or disposition. Because I wasn’t getting the answers, I designed some of my own – I started to research energy and consciousness, in many different ways over the years; through daydreaming, wandering through forests, talking with trees, reading books, swimming in the salt waters of the North Sea and the Pacific, painting, writing, making music, improvising, performing, teaching, doing an MA in Consciousness Studies (emphasis Creativity & Music) and practicing deep listening all the time. I seek to resolve conflict. I am obsessed. I want to know how I work, and what is possible.

I want to know how I work, so that I can help people understand how they work too, understand what is possible for all of us. And I believe it is so much more than just fighting. We can do so much better. We are creative beyond measure, we can manifest (we do, all day, every day), we can shift and change, like fish changing direction in waters. We are no more fixed in reality than they are! It’s all about taking a journey, a journey to the inside. And that feels so big, so daunting… so dreadfully enticing!

So, why did I call this ‘Swimming in conflict consciousness’? Because I had a client today, and an analogy became clear as we spoke. I drew a series of vertical lines (see below) and we imagined people with different levels of consciousness swimming in different ‘pools’ – like- amongst-like. The conflict was happening in the lower pool and we imagined this is where people are the most defensive, the most ‘hidden’ from themselves and from others, to some degree. But as our individual consciousness, our self-awareness, expands and increases we switch up to the next pool – each pool has other swimmers who mirror our levels of awareness and freedom.

The transition between levels of self-awareness could be where a big ‘blow up’ happens in one’s life, that catapults a new awakening of what we want to leave behind (conflict), and what we’d like more of (ease). It could also depend on natural stages of one’s life related to our astrology, hormonal changes, and aging in general (although aging does not guarantee increased self-awareness it can make it more possible). The ease of how we experience our daily lives depends on which pool we find ourselves in, and that depends on our own level of self-awareness. As we ‘gentle’ ourselves, the conversations can become more exploratory and less explosive. A lot of the ability to transition comes down to how we are able to communicate in ways that create emotional calm and a certain amount of distance from the attachment to being right. And a lot of this comes down to our healing journey. Please note, that we are works in progress… we are alive and organic, so there is turbulence!

In the diagram below, the bottom pool represents the worst kind of conflict, the most painful, the most blind and vindictive, outward-facing blame. The top pool represents harmony and ease, where we have become transparent to ourselves, able to breathe through anything and everything, self-reflective, curious, empathic, companions in life, not so attached to an outward identity – living life from our center. The pools in between those two are just different levels of evolution and we swim in one pool until we suddenly find ourselves swimming in the next one. The company we are keeping in each pool is well matched for reflecting back what is inside us. Each communication is a risk, a new moment, a choice; ‘shall I stay with the same story about me (or you)… or shall I evolve?’ The force that creates those shifts is actually our own curiosity to know who we really are. This is Dynamic Emergence.

 

How we are with ourselves affects how we experience the whole of life – from chaos to joy; the journey. I created this course – Dynamic Emergence – because I want you to have the same kind of answers and understanding that I have been able to witness and draw comfort from, that I have spent years researching experientially and academically, learning from so many different people and beings, and swimming in the consciousness of life itself – I’ve been taking notes!

The Dynamic Emergence program can help explain what on earth it means – and what on earth it is – to be a human being – a human living system that is constantly in flux and exchanging energy and information with other living systems. If we don’t know how to read that, how are we meant to interact with it in positive and creative ways? We are so entrenched in multiple concurrent energy and information exchanges that, rather like a humming fridge in the background, we try to tune it all out in order to manage the levels of input we are experiencing.

So, if we’ve successfully tuned it out, why care to learn more about it now? The obvious answer is a question: Wouldn’t you rather have more ease than conflict in your life and wouldn’t you love to manifest a life you’d envy for its meaning, depth, joy, and aliveness!?

My answer to you: Who you are is in the depths of your nuances, your inner skin, the folds of your personality, the yearning for more. Your creativity and your ability to attract more harmony in your life depend on you knowing who you are and living your life in a way that lets it out creatively! It is the most invigorating thing I’ve ever done, to track all this, and to be blessed to share with you that needing answers and being insanely curious has driven me to be more honest with myself. I feel I am still only scratching the surface of the implications of that. I am learning how to care, and that changes me. We matter, we each matter, and have something magical and extraordinary to bring to our lives, and to each other. Sensing that is the beginning of a truly intimate relationship… the most important one we’ll ever have – with our own beautiful, complicated, self.

One more thing – there is a Jonathan Livingston Seagull in each of us, that bodhisattva that can travel between the swimming pools with the same level of ease, love, and compassion for each swimmer, in each pool. That is enlightenment – the freedom to be present with all of it.

Learn more about the program here – you can start it today and do it on your own timeline. Contact me for assistance.

Thanks for reading.

Clare